This article is about making what should have been a temporary relationship into a permanent one. My aim and object is to show you the purpose of a temporary relationship, why it should not be a permanent one, the damage it does when it becomes one and finally the signs of a temporary relationship.
The majority of us at one time or another have had more than one relationship, and for the most part, when we take a glance back in time we thank God that we did not make those people whom we thought, we were in love with our lifetime mates. Nevertheless, some of us do marry the temporaries and are presently living unhappy lives or should I say incomplete lives.
As with my previous articles, I desire to use biblical principle as the foundation and build my points upon that. The scripture that I will be using is (2cor 2:18) in this scripture Paul is preaching to the people in Corinth and this is what he had to say, “While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Every relationship that you would have encountered throughout your life should be viewed as building blocks to your ultimate relationship, which would be your husband or wife. For the most part, people that jump into a relationship and immediately get married, without considering if that relationship was supposed to be permanent or temporary, they are possibly in for a rude awakening.
I make the comparison of relationships to schooling. Just like school, each class gives you enough information for that particular time, because no one course teaches you everything. It prepares you for the next level you will eventually move to, and at the end of all your classes, you will then hopefully graduate. Well, relationships are no different, each one was intended for you not only to enjoy, but most importantly to learn from, and prepare you for your lifelong relationship with your husband or wife.
History will show that people with little to no experience in relationships are more likely to make poor decisions as opposed to people that have more experience with relationships. I want to place importance on experience here because it is vital to what I am about to say next.
You see because we are creatures of comparison it is crucially significant that we gain much experience or knowledge in whatever it is that we are about to venture into. What I mean by creatures of comparison is merely this. Whatever decision we select in life more than likely we’ve compared it either to a former experience or someone else’s experience We then make a decision. It is almost like we go into our memory archives and pull out a file that is remotely close to whatever it is we are dealing with at that time and go from there. For instance, if you had a bad relationship where your partner cheated, and you decided to end that relationship and go into another, if your new partner does anything that remotely reminds you of what your Ex-did to you, immediately you throw yourself into a defensive mode. Why? Because again you automatically begin to compare your past experience with your present relationship.
So my point here is; that the quality of your decision making is purely based on the experiences that you have had in that particular area which you are making a decision on. If you have ample experience, chances are you would make a more sound decision as opposed to no experience, your judgment is more likely to be impaired.
People are typically entrapped by their temporary mate’s permanently, because of what they see on the outside. They are caught up by the surface, they are bound or should we say held hostage by their five senses (see, smell, taste, hear, touch) which when left unchallenged can place us in a state of misery. This is why the Apostle Paul said, “set not your eyes on the things that you see” or things that are governed by your five senses. Because these things are subject to change and are in fact changing before your very eyes, but focus on what you don’t see, or what is possibly being kept from you such as that person’s character, which is permanent or eternal like Paul said.
A person’s character should be the deciding factor as to whether or not a person is just a temporary. One might possess a radiant smile, mannerly, a good shape, or even loving from the outside, which is all good but at the same time, it is only a superficial image. However with character, even after they would have displayed all the nice outward stuff, are they that same person when they leave your presence? What are they like when they are alone, or better yet when they are in the company of others whom they are familiar with?
Do they maintain that same excellent behavior? Or do they possess a Jekyll and Hyde type character? My mother told me some time ago that a little can tell you what a lot will be like, and I am indeed influenced by this statement. The little things that appear to be insignificant in the relationship are a clear sign that there is a lot more where that came from.
A person can not hide their true identity. For example, a person may appear to be the sweetest person you have ever met, and then all of a sudden they display a real evil temper and spew a heap of profanity when they become upset. This is just a sample of the actual person on the inside trying to get out, and his name is (Mr. Character). The one Paul said you should concentrate on, remember the things you do not see, because he is sometimes very difficult to notice in the beginning, due to what I call the impressing stage.
Mr. Character is usually kept in the dark until that person has achieved their objective with you, whatever that might be (most likely sex). They might give excuses like I don’t really curse like that, or I didn’t mean to hit you or I did not mean to shout at you and the list goes on, what about this one? I did not mean to sleep with him/her it just happened.
If you are the kind of person that does not tolerate the above examples, and you have a certain standard that you have for relationships, then these are the clear signs of a temporary, the sole purpose of these people are for you to learn from them indirectly, because their lives are crammed with deceit and inconsistencies. To remain in this temporal relationship spells nothing short of disaster and unhappiness. These relationships were never ever meant to be permanent; it was just another class, painfully grooming you for the ultimate relationship.
So take a few minutes and look back on your past relationships that did not work out, you know, the ones that hurt so bad you couldn’t eat, you couldn’t think straight, and the all too common ones, being consumed by unnecessary worry and fear. We all have sometime or another experience it, but now that some of us overcame it, we should thank the folks that put us through it because they unknowingly played a hand in preparing us for the ultimate relationship……of course those of us who choose to learn from them.
Friends I would like to add, no relationship that you were a part of was by accident or mistake. That particular person whom you probably can’t stand to this day, like I said it was all building blocks for what you have now or what you are about to come into soon.
Remember this, in order to know what good is one, must experience bad, so all the bad relationships or temporaries as I would call them were all in an unknowing effort to make you not only appreciate, but recognize what good really is.
The principle of the bible did not say all things were good, but all things work together for good to them that love God and for them that are the called according to his purpose (Rom.8:28).
So as I have clearly shown you the relationship was no mistake, the mistake was trying to make something permanent that was only supposed to be temporal, but in an effort to make us appreciate and prepare us for the next exciting stage of our lives.
Written by: Kevin L.A Ewing