Ungrateful people can be extraordinary and difficult to understand. If you have interacted with such individuals, you may have noticed that they have an overwhelming desire for more without showing appreciation for what they already have.
I have titled this lesson "The Thermostat of The Ungrateful." I chose this title because there is a clear connection between a thermostat and the mentality of an ungrateful individual. A thermostat is a regulating device that regulates the air temperature in any air-controlled environment. If the thermostat is broken, the air conditioning system loses its ability to control the air in that environment.
Before I proceed further, I want to be clear that there is a big difference between being ungrateful and simply not expressing gratitude. People have different ways of communicating their appreciation, which may differ from how we would express gratitude. Of course, this is acceptable because we are all different. However, an ungrateful person takes things for granted and possesses an almost demonic sense of entitlement. They are intoxicated with selfishness, negativity, chronic complaining, and always critical of others.
Let's return to the comparison between a thermostat and an ungrateful person's mindset. As previously mentioned, the thermostat manages the air in an air-controlled environment. However, the thermostat for the ungrateful individual would be their "shame." You're wondering how shame is supposed to act as a thermostat for the ungrateful individual. Let's define the word shame, and it will eventually make sense. Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
If an ungrateful person's shame mechanism is not functioning, they may lose their ability to regulate their behavior in particular or all areas of their life. This can lead to them repeatedly asking for favors without considering your feelings, always borrowing and begging from you. In addition, they may become defensive if you confront them about their insensitive behavior towards you. Nevertheless, the most challenging area for anyone encountering such a person is their annoying, arrogant sense of entitlement.
As a counselor, I either meet such people or counsel those who have encountered them. Amazingly, I have discovered two predominant qualities in most ungrateful people that have become pillars in their foundation. The first quality is jealousy. Yes, this may seem odd, but indulge me for a moment.
Ungrateful individuals tend to unconsciously direct their negative behavior toward those they envy. This is their way of punishing those individuals for their success. Therefore, whenever they require resources or assistance, they seek help from those they envy. However, if you refuse their request, they will politely accept it but may speak ill of you behind your back to mutual friends, portraying you as an unkind, selfish, and mean person.
This leads to my second observation of ungrateful people. Ungrateful people often possess the trait of being skilled dissemblers. A dissembler is someone who hides their true thoughts or emotions. In simpler terms, a dissembler is a deceitful person.
They will go to any lengths to achieve their goals due to their broken thermostat (shame). Their tool of choice would be flattery and playing the victim to manipulate you. They always paint a negative picture of their circumstances and claim the world is against them, conveniently leaving out any mention of those who helped them. Then, they will praise you, saying how generous and helpful you are while hiding their true feelings (jealousy) to get something from you.
I think such people are covertly disrespectful with a mild hint of bullying their victims. In other words, due to their entitlement complex, they will subtly put you in an uncomfortable position through another one of their requested favors, which would almost be impossible for you to say no to. Despite inconveniencing you, they will shower you with compliments, such as "I really appreciate" and "I don't know what I would do without you," to persuade you to grant them the favor.
I came across a scripture that references the dissembler quality of an ungrateful person, and here is what it said. "A person that hates dissembles with their lips and stores deceit within themselves. When he speaks fair, believe him not, for his heart has seven abominations. Whose hatred is covered by deceit, nevertheless, his wickedness shall be exposed before the entire congregation" Proverbs 26:24-26
Here are thirteen signs of an ungrateful person:
1. They are never satisfied with what you've done for them.
2. They take advantage of your kindness.
3. Always negative, critical, and finding fault with others.
4. They are pretty calculating and deceptive.
5. They take you for granted.
6. They unashamedly express a sense of entitlement.
7. They consistently blame others for their problems.
8. They are challenging to work with and can be uncooperative.
9. They are excellent at flattering you when they need favors.
10. They have a victim mentality.
11. They do not care about your feelings.
12. They are master manipulators.
13. They disrespectfully violate your boundaries.
HOW TO MANAGE UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE
Addressing the issue is usually recommended when someone's behavior is problematic. However, it's not uncommon for ungrateful individuals to twist the situation and make you out to be the unappreciative one despite all you've done for them. But if that approach doesn't work, setting boundaries and saying no when necessary is essential. These individuals can be persistent and shameless in their requests, so please be firm with your decision. If boundaries and saying no still don't work, the best course of action may be to ignore them entirely. Being bold and firm in your efforts towards these people is essential.
If all attempts to resolve this issue have been unsuccessful, it may be in your best interest to permanently distance yourself from these individuals. Evidently, they are not true friends and are only interested in using you.
Kevin L A Ewing
ewinglakevin@icloud.com
kevinlaewing.blogspot.com
www.kevinlaewing.com
