The Thermostat of the Ungrateful: Why Some People Never Say Thank You

The Thermostat of the Ungrateful

Ungrateful individuals can often be remarkable yet difficult to understand. If you've interacted with such
individuals, you've likely noticed their insatiable desire for more, their lack of appreciation for what they already have or what others have done for them, and their sense of entitlement to others' resources and services.

I have titled this lesson "The Thermostat of the Ungrateful." I chose this title because there is a clear connection between a thermostat and the mentality of an ungrateful individual. A thermostat is a regulating device that regulates the air temperature in any air-controlled environment. If the thermostat is broken, the air conditioning system loses its ability to control the air in that environment.

Before I proceed, I would like to clarify that there is a significant distinction between being ungrateful and simply not expressing gratitude. People have different ways of communicating their appreciation, which may differ from how we would express gratitude. Of course, this is acceptable because we are all different. However, an ungrateful person takes things for granted and possesses an almost demonic sense of entitlement. They are intoxicated with selfishness, negativity, and chronic complaining, and they are always critical of others.

Shame: The Broken Thermostat

Let's revisit the comparison between a thermostat and an unappreciative person's mindset. As previously mentioned, the thermostat manages the air in an air-controlled environment. However, the thermostat for the ungrateful individual would be their "shame." You may be wondering how shame is supposed to act as a thermostat for the ungrateful individual. Let's define the word shame, and it will eventually make sense. Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

If an ungrateful person's shame mechanism isn't functioning correctly, they may lose the ability to regulate their behavior in certain areas of life. This can lead them to repeatedly ask for favors without considering your feelings, always borrowing and begging from you. In addition, they may become defensive if you confront them about their insensitive behavior towards you. Nevertheless, the most challenging aspect of dealing with such a person is their annoying, arrogant sense of entitlement.

Two Pillars: Jealousy and Deception

As a counselor, I either meet such people or counsel those who have encountered them. Amazingly, I have discovered two predominant qualities in most ungrateful people that have become pillars in their foundation. The first quality is jealousy. Yes, this may seem odd, but indulge me for a moment.

Ungrateful individuals tend to unconsciously direct their negative behavior toward those they envy. This is their way of punishing those individuals for their success. Therefore, whenever they require resources or assistance, they seek help from those they envy. However, if you refuse their request, they will politely accept it but may speak ill of you behind your back to mutual friends, portraying you as unkind, selfish, and mean.

This leads to my second observation of ungrateful people. Ungrateful people often possess the trait of being skilled dissemblers. A dissembler is someone who hides their true thoughts or emotions. In simpler terms, a dissembler is a deceitful person.

They will go to any lengths to achieve their goals, despite their broken thermostat of shame. Their tool of choice is flattery and playing the victim to manipulate you. They always paint a negative picture of their circumstances and claim the world is against them, conveniently leaving out any mention of those who helped them. Then, they will praise you, saying how generous and helpful you are, while hiding their true feelings of jealousy to get something from you.

I believe such people are covertly disrespectful, with a mild hint of bullying their victims. In other words, due to their entitlement complex, they will subtly put you in an uncomfortable position through another one of their requested favors, one that would be almost impossible for you to refuse. Despite inconveniencing you, they will shower you with compliments, such as "I really appreciate you" and "I don't know what I would do without you," to persuade you to grant them the favor.

Scripture describes this same dissembling quality:

"He that hateth dissembleth with his lips, and layeth up deceit within him; When he speaketh fair, believe him not: for there are seven abominations in his heart. Whose hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness shall be shewed before the whole congregation." (Proverbs 26:24-26)

Thirteen Signs of an Ungrateful Person

1. They are never satisfied with what you've done for them.
2. They take advantage of your kindness.
3. They are always negative, critical, and finding fault with others.
4. They are calculating and deceptive.
5. They take you for granted.
6. They unashamedly express a sense of entitlement.
7. They consistently blame others for their problems.
8. They are challenging to work with and can be uncooperative.
9. They are excellent at flattering you when they need favors.
10. They have a victim mentality.
11. They do not care about your feelings.
12. They are master manipulators.
13. They disrespectfully violate your boundaries.

How to Manage Ungrateful People

Addressing the issue is usually recommended when someone's behavior is problematic. However, ungrateful individuals often twist the situation and portray you as the unappreciative one, despite all you've done for them. But if that approach doesn't work, setting boundaries and saying no when necessary is essential. These individuals can be persistent and shameless in their requests, so please be firm with your decision. If boundaries and saying no still don't work, the best course of action may be to ignore them entirely. Being bold and firm in your efforts toward these people is essential.

If all attempts to resolve this issue have been unsuccessful, it may be in your best interest to permanently distance yourself from these individuals. Evidently, they are not true friends and are only interested in using you.

Kevin L A Ewing
ewinglakevin@icloud.com
kevinlaewing.blogspot.com
www.kevinlaewing.com